From the Librarian’s Journal: The other day, Bob suggested that we start compiling an FAQ on the different zombies we’ve seen in the county. Word spread and we received a lot of facts and tidbits. Some of them were really good and I’ve made note of them in our “big book” for future reference. They include pictures and first person accounts.
Compiling that information started me thinking. What if we don’t make it? What if the military doesn’t send someone in to evacuate us before it’s too late? I shared my fears with Bob and he suggested that I focus on the brighter aspects. As such, I ended up compiling a list of the more interesting tidbits we received. Some of these are laugh out loud. Here are some of the better ones.
Mr. Bob Crees of Marshall writes: Zombies with false teeth tend to be vegetarians.
This may actually be true. You’d be surprised at how many sets of false teeth we run across these days. Those zeds are still strong and can rip you apart, but they won’t be bitey. Small light at the end of the tunnel.
Some Random Guy (no, really, that’s his name) sent this in. Zombie flesh is toxic, but eating a small amount will not actually kill you and will ensure you do not turn into one when you do eventually die.
If you’re reading this, please don’t eat Zombie flesh. It’s still cannibalism and we think it may also be how Bloaters are made. We’re still unsure about that one.
Professor PsyCLoPe says that there are two categories of people who get shot before turning into Zombies. Those that get bitten and sleepwalkers.
This actually happened to Chad Bressler. The poor man had a history of sleepwalking when he was stressed. His housemates should have locked the door to his room at night. Pam Welkin still has nightmares about panicking and beheading him with her great-great-great grandfather’s cavalry sword.
Someone who calls themselves Cat Raider sent this in. It made everyone in the library laugh. Ferals tend to be the best dancers, due to the fact they can do sudden turns, make really amazing leaps, and possess a slim, sleek body.
These days you laugh at anything, because if you don’t, you’ll cry. If you could reduce the killing aggression in Ferals, can you imagine going to see a ballet or a dance troupe with them starring? Sure, there’d be the ick of decay, but still.
A Righteous Ham writes in, : Give a zombie a fire, it’ll be warm til it wanders off; set a zombie on fire and it’ll be warm for the rest of its life.
This is the truth. Pure and Simple.
Liam gave us this solid tidbit:. Give a zombie a brain, it’ll eat for a day. Give a zombie a brain scooper, it’ll get angry at you, toss it aside and eat your brains.
People, please don’t arm the zombies. It’s hard enough to stay alive as it is.
Josh Christmas writes:, The reason zombies moan is because they are lonely, and just want a hug.
Don’t hug the Zombies!
And finally, from Mr. Biggles; Remember, Zeds have no prior knowledge of their former lives! Blackmail and embarrassing stories of their past will NOT utterly destroy a zombie!
This is absolutely true. But it’s fun to tell their embarrassing stories around the kitchen table at night. I’ll have to remember to write down that story about Sally MacDougal from the third grade that Bob told me yesterday. Comedic gold.